The Heart & Words That Heal

“Devotions From the Heart”
“The Heart and Words that Heal”
June 2015

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”
Proverbs 25:11

“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.” James 3:8-10

One of the most important subjects in our relationship with others is  communication.  The decline in our society of communication between people and especially in the husband and wife relationship is once again at the forefront.  In considering my post on this subject, I referred back to my earlier Bible studies and guides that I had written on “The Excellent Wife”  and “Christian Living in the Home” as well as related books/studies on communication to refresh our thinking on this subject.  As women and sinners in the need of constant grace, we need a reminder of our responsibility to godliness and our roles as women in the marriage relationship and in the home.  Our speech and response to others in godly communication especially in our “tweet” age is a vital part of our interaction and ministry to them.  As the Bible speaks below, we see the effect of godly and ungodly communication.  So then, a reminder once again to me and you which I pray you will find helpful and beneficial in your communication with others and especially in the marriage relationship.

“There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.” Proverbs 12:18

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Proverbs 31:26

“O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. ” Matthew 12:34

“What we say and how we say it can hurt others. Words can crush and pierce people. Some wounds may never heal. In marriages, husbands and wives have the potential to hurt each other deeply by the words they say. Often, couples communicate in unbiblical, ungodly ways. Instead of love and kindness there is strife, anger, and malice. Instead of wisdom there is foolishness. Instead of careful words, there are careless words.”  “Heart” in Scripture includes a person’s thoughts, choices, or motives.  Your “heart” is not some emotional part of you that you have no control over. What you think about is a choice you make.” 1/

In our book study of “The Excellent Wife,” Martha Peace gave us nine reference points (1/) to consider and apply.  I have explained each one in my notes below the reference from my own study guide (2/).   Be encouraged to study. 2/

1. “A wife’s wrong words begin with wrong thoughts and motives.”1/

“For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matthew 12:34), this is where our wrong thoughts and motives come from. They come from the heart. The cliché “what you think you are” rings true here. If you are thinking wrong thoughts and attributing wrong motives to your husband, you are going to speak wrongly. Christ has given us a mandate and a law. A mandate to “love” and a law to speak with “kindness.” We need a heart change and thus we must mediate in God’s Word “day and night” renewing our hearts and minds with the things of God. We must “put on” godliness and “put off” unrighteousness. Speaking wrongly with wrong motives is “unrighteousness” and “sin.” We need to “put on” a heart of love and thus we will “speak the truth in love” and the “law of kindness will be on our lips.” 2/

2. “A wife is accountable to God for every word she speaks.”1/

“This is clear in Scripture. “Every idle word” will be brought to judgment. If God says He will bring every idle word to judgment, He takes seriously every wrong word we speak. We are accountable to Christ to “speak” as He speaks in love to one another. Our words must be discerning words of wisdom, not careless words.” 2/

3. “A wife is to speak the truth to her husband, but speak in love.” 1/

“Here is the principle again — it permeates every conversation or word, we “speak in love.” This means even in our telling our husband something that will hurt or upset him; we must speak it in love and in kindness. We must put ourselves in the recipient’s shoes and say, “how would I receive this?” thus putting on love and kindness. Even if we are making a biblical rebuke, we must “put on love” and use direct and kind speech.”2/

4. “A wife must put off any wrong speech.” 1/

“The Lord says “but now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” Colossians 3:8. In our fourth key statement of MP above, we see the fruit of wrong speech. Wrong speech wounds and wrong speech reveals a deeper heart problem. Many times the speech is a result of anger, hatred, getting even, pride, jealously, one-upism, superiority attitude, etc.  We all know about these words and what effect they will have and especially in the marriage relationship. It can be anything from a quick cold response (or as MP says, a “slight edge” in the voice) to screaming, ranting and raving. It can be a complaining to a sister, friend, neighbor, family member or children about one’s husband thus “slandering” or “gossiping about” him by tearing him down in the eyes of others.” 2/

5. “A wife must give her husband the benefit of the doubt when it comes to judging his motives.” 1/

“This is important. Many times we, as wives, judge the motives of our husband. We are NOT to make judgments of their motives. We cannot see their heart, only God can. We may “think we know” what they are thinking and perhaps they are, but we are not to judge them, but think only the best of them. If we always measure everything by our judgment (which is faulty) we will come to wrong conclusions about what other folks are thinking. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask the “why” question rather than assuming or presumptuously judging.” 2/

6. “A wife is more likely to sin if her words are rash.”1/

“Do not be rash with your mouth. We all know what this is like. We “speak” before we “think” and then even surprise ourselves with what comes out of our mouths. Sometimes we wish we had never said things or that we could take back hurting words. Many times hurting words will wound and leave a scar. We ourselves have been the victims of “rash” “unkind” or “hateful” words and it hurts. Since God’s Word instructs us to love others “as ourselves” we do not want them to feel the arrows of these “rash” words that wound. If we train ourselves to “speak in love” “godly words” “godly rebukes” “godly instruction” it will help us at the time when emotions are high to speak without being rash.” 2/

7.  “A wife is more likely to be heard if her speech is forbearing and sweet.” 1/

“The wise heart will be called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” There it is. A statement by God that out of the “wise heart” that “discerns” there will be a “sweetness of speech” that will increase “persuasiveness.” Thus, obeying this Scripture, doing it God’s way, you will be blessed with a good result. In your obedience to God’s Word, He turns the heart of your husband to you.” 2/

8. “An excellent wife is wise and kind when she talks to her husband.”1/

“A godly wife, in her speech, will be a woman of the Bible. She will speak “God’s words” and walk as He walked. Her “wisdom” comes from Him. The result of using His wisdom (His Word) results in love and kindness to others. We are not talking about a slurpy, sick, sweetening, condescending tone of voice here which is not natural or is false, but a true wise-hearted speech that comes from a heart of love for the Lord and her husband. She wants to treat him as she wants to be treated — in love, wisdom, kindness and gentleness.”2/

9. “A wife should purify her speech until it is more and more flawless.”1/

“The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver.” Proverbs 10:20a. The wife purifies her speech by reading, studying and applying God’s Word. This is how she trains herself in righteousness. She prays for godly speech.  She prays for a non-judgmental heart. She prays for wisdom to speak the truth in love. She is an “excellent wife” because she does it God’s way and not the way of gossipers, slanderers or fools.” /2

“In conclusion, biblical communication reveals your heart. If we communicate with a Christ-like speech it reveals our relationship to Christ and His Word. Pray for a godly spirit of submission to His Word to study to “be quiet” and to learn to “speak” biblically in our relationship with Christ and others.

Dear Heavenly Father:  We come to Thee our blessed God and thank you for Your blessedness to us in giving us eternal life and all of the blessings of this life. We praise You for being our Sovereign, Holy, Wise, and Loving God. We praise You for all of Your goodness to us and our families. We praise You for the ability to study Your word and learn how to be godly women. We are Your church, Your Bride and we adore You. We want to be biblical in our relationship with our husbands. We want to please You in our sojourn in this life with the husband You have given us. Help us as we are weak and frail and cannot do the things we should. Give us Your strength and power by Your Holy Spirit to do all things well and pleasing in your sight. We want to be loving, kind, tender, gentle and wise women. Help us today Lord for vain is the help of man. We cannot do it without Your help and guidance. Bless us today as we learn, read, study and take care of our husbands, homes and families. We love You because You first loved.  Blessed be Your name forever and ever, in Jesus Name, Amen.”2/

1/ Martha Peace “The Excellent Wife”
2/ Copyright ©1997-2015 TheologyGirl-ReformedWomen, The JoyPals Network, All Rights Reserved. This excerpt is from my ReformedWomen-TheologyGirl, JoyPals Network Bible-Book Study Guide, Lesson Discussion #18


2 thoughts on “The Heart & Words That Heal

  1. Nontando says:

    Reading this article has brought tears upon my eyes for it pierced deep in my heart. It led me to repent on the words that flow from my heart, one always assumes that because you don’t shout but have a slight edge in your voice it makes you a lil better BUT NO it’s still a deadly sin. I pray that the Christ-like speech and tone mayoverflow from my heart to my husband and everybody. May the Lord bless you for such biblical writings that makes one repent and turn to God..

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