“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects [reverences] her husband.” Ephesians 5:33
I am an advocate for the Biblical mandate of women’s submission to their husbands, and a strong one and for hitting this subject and its related matters straight on, without psychobabble or any other excuse. The subject of discussion of the personal relationship between a husband and wife is “private” (”secret”) with only one caveat and that is when the parties are involved in marital counseling with a pastor or nouthethic counselor.Marriage is sacred (”holy”) set apart by God. The private relationship of that husband and wife, the “problems” ” disagreements” “differences” is not to be made public in any forum, including blogs or email lists, but especially not in the open church or Bible studies. Christ has made it clear in Scripture that the husband and wife relationship is a picture of Christ and His church, the Bride. It is to be held in high esteem. Christian husbands and wives are sinners saved by grace and therefore not perfect but God has given them a way to resolve their differences and sin by giving them His Word, the Bible, which is the guidebook for their lives. We don’t look to the world, the world’s system of marriage, how-to books, or any other type of system to describe how the marriage relationship is to be nor do we take our cues from the world in how we deal publicly or privately from them.
God has set up the marriage relationship according to His good and wise counsel and as that picture of Christ and His church, it is to be honored in everything. Would Christ belittle, downgrade or dishonor the body of Christ? No, of course not, He gave Himself for us and He is without spot or blemish. Should the wife, the picture of the church, belittle, downgrade or dishonor her husband as the picture of Christ in the home? No, Never, it is horrific sin and would be the same as dishonoring Christ as Christ has given this husband to this wife to “rule” over her and it is her responsibility to “reverence” her husband. Reverence means “reverence” and that means that we hold our husbands so high up that he “is praised in the gates.” One of the major causes in marriages in the church today is the lack of reverence and biblical submission to their husbands. Is it any wonder that marriages fail? If we are not obedient to Christ in these things, why should we expect a blessed marriage? We are guilty of doing the very same thing out sister Eve did in the garden.
Women are to learn submission and that means to God’s Word. If there is a problem in a marriage, the problem is usually sin and pride. When we condemn another or find “faults” with them, the fault is usually within ourselves. Either we are not loving sacrificially or being obedient to God’s Word. We are to look at the huge plank in our own eyes and not the speck in our husband’s or others. Repentance and praying, seeking forgiveness, respecting, honoring and loving in the marriage relationship according to God’s Word is the answer.
God’s Word gives women another mandate “teach the younger women to love their husbands” and that means we teach them to “love” their husbands. Love covers a multitude of sins, love is described in II Corthinians 13; in Christ’s giving Himself for us; in laying down our lives for the brethren and throughout the Bible. A sacrificial love is what we are to teach them. We don’t listen to gossip, let them “cry” on our shoulder, “tell us their problems” ask for revealing prayer requests, “tell it” in church, etc. We are to teach them to “love” and the Bible is that Book of Love that we teach them. In the Bible is every answer for every question or problem in the marriage relationship. God made marriage and He gave us the Marriage Manual and we are to use it. We are additionally commanded to “seek His Kingdom first” and to “pursue godliness” and to “put on love” and to “study to show ourselves approved” and when we do these things, our marriages work because God makes them work. God is the Sovereign Blessing Bestower of marriages and when we do it God’s way we are blessed.
To sum up, and this is a minute synopsis of 21 years teaching this subject and can in no means even be summarized or cover every topic of this subject here but the bottom line is this: we are to love, submit and reverence our husbands and that means we keep the intimacy of our marriage relationship private. What is the intimacy? Everything — every matter, personal, financial, emotional and physical.
If you truly “believe” this in your heart, you will act on it. When you fail, you will confess to the Lord and to your husband and ask him for help to do it better next time. The Lord says, “do all things without grumbling and complaining” (Philippians 2:14) That is a command and when not obeyed, is sin to be confessed. The Lord also says that He loves obedience better than sacrifice. The blessings of obedience are so more worthwhile than anything we can ever say. Why does it leave a “bitter taste” in your mouth? Because it is a grievous sin against God, your husband, your marriage, your children, your Christian witness and the body of Christ as a whole.
Isn’t this enough reason to want to obey Christ in our marriages? I know it is. May Christ richly bless each one of us with truly “godly women” gifts and obedience to love, serve and obey Him in our marriage relationships and to “lift” up our husbands as Christ’s picture in the home.
Biblical Submission Excerpt from my Excellent Wife Bible-Book Study, c.2000
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